you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
