i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
