just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
