I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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