I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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