Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
