grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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