he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
