I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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