If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
