Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
