Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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