What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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