also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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