he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
