You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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