What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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