listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
