careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
