Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
