He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
