Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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