??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
