worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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