it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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