he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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