Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
