it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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