Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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