i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
