I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
