i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
