Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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