I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
