it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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