I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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