Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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