normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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