You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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