i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
