For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
