god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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