why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I touched a dick in church today
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
