Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
