im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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