why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
