The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
