the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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