I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
