Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
