I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
