It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
