I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
birth control should be required to get into college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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