Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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