I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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