She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
