hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
