one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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