I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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