new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
