R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
