I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
