You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
