I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
