I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
