dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We need to get me chipped asap
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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