Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
