dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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