1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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