it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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