his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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