Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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