You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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