if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
