Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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