I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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