I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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