I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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