The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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