whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
