I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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