Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
